"Life 101" - Big Brother Style

The advantages of being a pesky little brat with a big brother is that anything goes – advices on how to tie your shoelaces to how to incapacitate the school bully! Actually, I don’t remember who taught me to tie shoelaces and I learnt to beat up the school bully by practicing on my neighborhood kids.

But there were still plenty of tips laid out my bro that I still swear by. Only a brother motivated by strong love will teach his kid sister the most vulnerable points in a human body and how to take advantage of them. “Go for the eyes- poke your fingers into them…and keep your fingers stiff man!” Well, I never tried that move, but I am sure it works.

Of course, some of the so-called Judo moves came in really handy while rough housing with the neighborhood kids (Did I mention all of them were boys?) I swear I know at least five ways to trip a man bigger then me my using his weight against him. So sue me! It was also fun to see my lankier and taller friends back away from fighting me. While they held back some tricks due to the gender issue, I felt no such compulsion and fought as dirty as possible.

Now, my brother never told me he would beat up anybody who messed with me. I think he had too much confidence in me. But I kind of understood that if things got out of hand, he definitely will do that. But I also learned some nasty psychological warfare tips from him. Like staring guys down, the sudden turn and whirl on your prey move, and the last but not the least, making really convincing threats. Try “I am going to break your fingers one by one slowly” accompanied by a really self satisfied smirk. Guaranteed, most bullies will think you a nut case and back off!

And if nothing works- kick them in the nut and run home screaming. Big brother will take care of the big bad bully!

Apart from the violent bits, my brother also rattled off a number of “wisdoms” all throughout my life- like look both ways while crossing the road; don’t run, just walk, don’t smoke or your lips will turn blue etc. etc.

He taught me how to cross the street, in the mean streets of Delhi. Let me drive the car on the mountain roads, never yelling when I over-corrected. Taught me how to tackle the local buses in Kolkata, with advices like “Don’t wear heels; you might trip on the tram tracks”. Oh lets not forget the advice on how to tackle with those groping hands in the bus –“step on their toes and elbow them” (his version of SING I guess). And it works like a miracle, I swear.

I guess I can keep listing the incredible number of do’s and don’ts that I still swear by just because he told them. And if he is reading this, he would probably think this is major chick-flick stuff, but I swear by Life 101, as my brother taught me. And hey I am very much alive and kicking here, so I guess they work just fine. And if you are reading this bro – “You have created a MONSTER!!!”